I meant what I said to Autumn yesterday. I had every intention of telling her about the private investigator I hired and the search for my parents. I wasn’t expecting Autumn to approach me with it before I could. I don’t fault Jules Vivants for answering Autumns questions, my firey red head can be…
One hurdle over. The full moon shift, my first. What an experience made all the better because Laurence was there. He got me through what I was sure would be the worst night of my life. Instead, it was one of the best.
Now it’s time to move on. 2 things are certain.
The spot picked. Running separate from the sleuth tonight. I want this night to go as smoothly as possible for Cristiana and I. I know she’s scared I felt it. She just can’t continue to stifle her bear. She will rip her apart from the inside out. So tonight I’ll ease her into her transition. Taking mine slower and helping her. Sharing my power to make it as smooth as possible. I’ve told Cristiana not to fight it, to let it happen. The fighting of the change is what makes it so rough. God knows I can’t run knowing she’s medicated again. This has to work. NO this will work. It’s natural, it will come.
Last few days with Cristiana have been all about her control and gaining it. All the while mine is getting more and more difficult to maintain. My want for her grows more each passing day. Not just want but my feelings for her.
I said it for all to hear in the meeting with Gabriel, Elise and Mat. I meant it, didn’t realize I meant it, but I did. It just came out. “I’m falling for her Elise, falling hard.”
Yeah, no doubt on that. Every move she makes , every sigh, every expression, all of it. I see and it’s amplified. My bear wants her’s , the man wants the woman and the feelings are there. They can’t be denied and won’t be. Even if I tried. (Sits back on my bed, coffee in hand)
So here I am. In this suite in the B&B and Cristiana is right next door. Tell her you say? (shakes head) Yeah I can see that now.
“Cristiana I love you”
Her- “Uh yeah, on that note.” and she leaves, door shutting behind her.
No can’t say anything, not yet. For now I fight my need and desires. Just watching her and every move she makes….
Sitting here in the B&B thinking about all that’s happened. Especially the last couple days. Night before last, meeting with Gabriel. Gabriel put me in my place I guess you could say. Maybe more like , reminded me I’m still his above all. In the bear world I am alpha. In his I’m his bear. The conversation was fruitful and understanding was reached. Gabriel fed from me and before I knew it we were done. Only asking that we (Cristiana and I) remain on the estate that night. Also that we meet with him, Mat and Elise the next night. My sleuth duties have held that up. It will happen still. I hope Cristiana is ready. I know she’s strong enough , it’s the control I worry over. That night Cristiana got a brief intro into the world of vampire with animal to call and all that it entails. Well , some of what it entails. Haven’t touched on the occasional or regular sleeping habits that come with it. That’s for later. (Dreading that convo) Cristiana handled herself pretty damn well considering. She smelled blood on me and instinct took over. Checking the area of the bite out. Her bear reacted as did mine to hers. (grins) She’s an phenomenal woman, such strength and beauty. (Growls, bear reacting at just the thought of her) When she has control of all that power. (eyes turn) It will be amazing.
Cristiana and I returned to the B&B the next morning. Showers and a walk was the plan. We did make it there before the issue with the sleuth arised. I walked Cristiana to her door and the energy between us was formidable. I had the urge to kiss her , I’ve had the urge before. This time was a little different. It was a need. A need for both the beast and the human.
- @LaurenceMoreau_ Great lucky me. (Walks past the desk clerk smiling. Up the stairs stopping at the door to my room) Well this is me. (Wink)
- @CristianaRusso_ This is you. (Strokes your hair back from your face. Leans forward, gently kisses your cheek then the other.)
- @LaurenceMoreau_ (Quick intake of breath ..Turns my head just enough) Ah..
- @CristianaRusso_ Ah.. (Cups your face in my hands and tenderly kisses your lips) Ah..
- @LaurenceMoreau_ (Same spark from your kiss as the touch from your hand. No a little more intense. Let’s it happen then stumbles) Ah. Um.. -
- @LaurenceMoreau_ I’ll ah.. just go.. inside now and get that ah.. shower. Still.. (Turns to the door) going for a walk after?
- @CristianaRusso_ (Grins releasing my hold. Bear momentarily satisfied. ) Yes see you shortly.
The power between us and our bears. This is all so right. The need to claim Cristiana in the natural way that calls to me. But I must have patience, I know she still has the urge to run from time to time. I can feel it and see it in her eyes. So patient I’ll be , as long as it takes. One day, soon, I’ll have the opportunity to show Cristiana the joys and pleasure that comes with what we are.
I cant believe than I broke with the directive. The rules clearly state that neutral meeting places should always be used. So what the hell am I doing flying directly into the lion [ scratch that ] Wolves den. I think it was my ego or the Wolf inside that was rattled by him . Odin….what a joke ,…
Is it weakness? Trying to hide my lack of understanding of the draw to Cristianna Russo and her bear. Is that weakness?
Never in my life have I felt an attraction like this. A pull so strong it takes all my strength at times to hold back. Finding Cristianna the morning after the full moon, in the condition she was in. (Deep breath , exhale) Even with the injuries, our bears were there. Calling to each other. Want, need, desire, a connection that I don’t fully understand. An attraction that has shown the worst side of me to those I care about and love. How will I ever fully apologize? As of now, I can’t. I can’t bring myself to do it properly. Mainly because it’s not over yet. As much as that worries me, I don’t think this is done. I will be around Cristianna more now. Almost daily. The fight’s just starting. (Picturing Cristianna on the bed, naked. My hands on her body, caring for her. Shakes head) What the fuck is wrong with you man? She was injured. Don’t go there.
God will this ever calm down? Shit I can hear Cristianna now….
“What do you mean you don’t fully understand? How can you help me if you don’t get it? I call that bull shit.”
Yep, I can hear her now. No this stays inside here. *points to head* Right here.
My skin heals faster than most but I still feel the rage behind each of her claws as they met my flesh. The need of the demons to break free after their lengthy time beneath the rejuvenating soil only heightened by her wolf’s need to taste the blood of those who have called forth her ire.